


Hero Worship Is a Terrible Thing

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 14-year-old Dean, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Hunters, Bottom Dean, Car Sex, Castiel and Drug Use, Dubious Consent, Hunter Castiel, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Prostitution Roleplay, Recreational Drug Use, Sirens, Smoking
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-08-19
Updated: 2014-03-05
Packaged: 2017-12-24 01:43:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Underage
Chapters: 9
Words: 19,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/933673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>24-year-old Cas Novak is a hunter who has gone to Bobby for some help on a hunt. Incidentally, John has come back to Bobby's property to drop off the boys and get some intel. Cas, Bobby, and John work together, but Cas keeps getting distracted by John's fourteen-year-old. Dean takes a liking to Cas. Cas has a lot of secrets, and he's not a good man. But maybe he was never meant to be a man. (On Hiatus)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meet Cas

**Author's Note:**

  * For [garrisonbabe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/garrisonbabe/gifts).



> This Castiel is very different from the canon Castiel due to his situation. He was born as a human and is very cynical and . . . his view of the world is rather skewed. Don't expect Castiel to resemble our Castiel for quite a while.

Dean had never given much thought to religion, outside that it was a waste of time and for people who were too naïve to know that there was no God and certainly no angels. But a rosary was hanging from Cas Novak's neck, bouncing off of his chest as he moved forward and back on Bobby's kitchen table, going over the map that they were working with. Dean knew that they were talking about hunting some kind of spirit or something - Cas had come to Bobby about some kind of demon while Dad had come by to get some information on ghouls. Normally Dean paid more attention to this kind of stuff. But Dean was slowly noticing that he tended to pay a bit too much attention to how men's muscles looked under their plaid shirts and tight jeans and how their necks flexed as they stretched and cracked the cricks in them. 

Dean was pretty sure that Cas Novak was _the_ most attractive man he had ever seen in person. With his dark hair falling around the eyes, almost reminding him of a shaggy dog, and those too-blue eyes and his stubble and jaw. 

He tried not to stare so much, because it was weird that he found men to be attractive. He knew Dad wouldn't like it, and what kind of example for Sammy would it be if he mooned over guys? 

But sometimes he swore that Cas was staring back at him. 

The rosary bounced off that beautiful chest, and Dean found himself wishing it was so hot Cas had to take his shirt off. Alas, it never really got that hot up in Sioux Falls. 

"Got any more beer, Bobby?" John asked, wiping the sweat off of his brow. 

Bobby sighed. "Nah, Cas drank the last of it."

John gave Cas a look, and Cas laughed and gave a wry smile. 

"Sorry, Bobby. I can get you more if you want."

"You know where the supermarket is?"

"Saw it on my way into town."

"Then go for it. I should have your notes on that demon by the time you get back."

"Thanks." 

Cas moved to grab his coat, though he really didn't need it. It may be getting dark outside, but it was still very warm out. 

"Hey kid - what's your name?"

Dean straightened up. "Dean. I'm Dean." 

"You want to go to the store with me, Dean?"

Dean tried to tell himself he wasn't flushing. 

"Sure," he said, attempting to be nonchalant. 

John straightened up. "Dean - "

"Let the kid go. Cas is safe."

John furrowed his eyebrows. "How do you know?"

"The guy saved my ass and the asses of several other hunters in the single year that he's been hunting. Really knows his stuff, even if he is a novice and needs my help once in a while."

"You've only been hunting a year?" John asked, sounding even less convinced that it would be okay for Dean to go with him. 

"Still one of the best, Winchester," Cas said, shrugging his coat on. "Dean's safe with me."

John looked like he wanted to say no, but he looked over at Dean and sighed through his nose. 

"Fine. Dean, you know the drill."

"Yes sir." 

Dean chose not to take his coat as they headed out to Cas's old, torn-up pick-up truck. 

Dean climbed into the passenger's seat, and Cas didn't wait for Dean to buckle up to put the key in the ignition. Dean buckled himself in by the time they drove out of Bobby's driveway and headed to the grocery store. Dean tried not to stare at Cas as he drove, but his eyes kept straying over to him. Cas looked back over at him, and he diverted his eyes. Cas laughed. 

"You don't have to pretend, you know. I can tell you're checking me out."

Dean blushed heavily. 

"Y-you can?"

"Yep. Been doing the same to you."

Dean's blush darkened. There was a pause, Dean trying to figure out what that meant and Cas waiting to see Dean's reaction. 

"Really?"

Cas smirked to himself, then glanced over at him. 

"Hell yeah. How old are you?"

Dean licked his lips. "Fourteen."

"Ever fucked a dude before, Dean?"

"N-no sir."

Cas pressed on the brake some, slowing the car down some for a moment. Dean watched as Cas's eyes fluttered shut for a moment and, out of curiosity, his own eyes darted to Cas's crotch. He looked away and blushed more as he realized the simple act of calling Cas "sir" got a very physical reaction out of him. 

The car sped up again as Cas opened his eyes and continued the conversation. 

"Ever sucked one off?"

Dean chewed at his bottom lip. 

"No, sir."

The car came to a complete stop that time. Cas looked around the road, and Dean's eyes went back to Cas's crotch. He could see the hard-on pushing up against his fly. Cas then made the decision to pull over on the side of the road. He drove it farther off the road, then put it in park and turned the engine off. He turned to face Dean better. Dean made his eyes move back to Cas's face. 

"Ever thought about getting fucked before, Dean?"

Dean swallowed hard. 

"I - I don't know what that means." 

Cas's smile was addicting. 

"You know how boys fuck girls, don't you?" 

"I - I've seen porn, if that's what you mean." 

Cas's laugh was equally addicting. Dean didn't mind all that much that it seemed to be at his expense. Before Cas could say anything else, Dean added, "W-why don't you teach me?"

"I think I'd like that, Dean." 

Cas leaned over and brought his mouth to Dean's ear. 

"I've been watching you all day, thinking about how fucking good it'll feel to thrust my hard cock into your tight, warm asshole. The fact that you're a virgin makes that idea all the sweeter."

Dean's breathing quickened, and he could hear his heart beat in his ear, along with Cas's whispers. Part of him wondered if he should be scared - if it would be normal to be scared - and another part of him was afraid of what Dad would say or think or feel or how it could negatively affect Sam (if it could affect Sam at all) - but a big part of him was appreciating the reaction Cas was getting from his dick. The idea of something being shoved up his ass sounded . . . like it was supposed to be unpleasant, but . . . if Cas wanted to do it, it couldn't be so bad. 

"W-will it hurt?" Dean found himself asking, and he felt stupid for it. He was a hunter like Cas and Dad and Bobby, for God's sake. He shouldn't be a baby about it. 

Cas pulled his face back and kissed him on the lips, and Dean found that he honestly didn't care that he didn't get an answer. Cas's hand was firm as it ran through his hair and held Dean's head in place as he deepened the kiss and pushed his tongue past Dean's lips and teeth. Dean didn't fight it and had no desire to. 

Dean lost track of time. At one point, Cas was kissing him so hard he could barely breathe and his lips were getting bruised - Dean had kissed girls before, but never like this - the next, Cas was rubbing at his cock through his jeans and Dean let out an unmanly whimper. Then Dean found his jeans to be unzipped and there was no fabric separating Cas's hand from Dean's hardening cock. He felt Cas's hot mouth on his neck and jaw, then back at his ear, whispering absolutely filthy things into it. Dean blushed heavy as he listened to it, and it made his cock grow redder. 

"You're gonna be so pretty squirming under me, Dean, it's gonna feel so good, your tight hole squeezing around my big, thick cock, _ugh_ your _bowlegs_ wrapped around my waist, pulling me deeper inside you - you're gonna fucking love it, love having me fuck you deep."

Dean would be a liar if he said some of what Cas was saying didn't scare him a little. But he kept his fears to himself, not unlike how he would pretend he wasn't scared for Sam's sake or to not let Dad down. He wanted Cas to like him. Even though he barely knew him, he wanted to make Cas proud of him. 

And he honestly had never heard anyone talk about him like that before. Part of it was . . . flattering. 

"You like my bowlegs?" Dean asked, sounding uncertain and blushing furiously. 

"I fucking love them," Cas breathed in his ear before capturing Dean's mouth once more. 

Soon, Cas had removed Dean's pants and underwear and tossed them down to the floor. Dean watched as Cas's hands went down to unzip Cas's own fly. His eyes widened as he saw Cas's size. _Holy shit_ , he was going to put _that_ inside of him!? Cas had the biggest dick he had ever seen. He swallowed hard and looked up at Cas. His apprehension must have showed on his face, because Cas smiled at him, laughed a little, then leaned down and kissed him more. 

"Don't worry about it, I'm gonna take care of you." 

Dean gulped some, but he tried to relax. He watched as Cas spat into his hand, then spread the spit around on his fingers and moved those fingers down to Dean's entrance. Dean let out a squeak as he felt Cas push his finger inside. Cas's other hand went to stroke Dean's erection, and Dean moaned at the hand on his dick and the fingers stretching his hole out. Dean's eyes fluttered shut, and all he could hear and feel were his own moans and Cas's touch. 

He heard Cas laugh as he started to jerk his hips down, fucking himself on Cas's fingers. 

"There we go. You like that, don't you? You like my fingers in your ass, you dirty whore."

Dean was breathing too hard and enjoying himself to care about the word Cas just called him. He wasn't sure he liked it, but he didn't care right then. 

"Yes, sir," Dean gasped out, and he heard Cas _growl_. 

"You're gonna love my cock even more, I bet you're gonna fuck yourself on my cock so hard like the filthy slut you're meant to be."

Dean opened his mouth - to say what, he wasn't sure - but he cried out as he felt a blunt pressure push into him. He realized Cas was starting to penetrate him with his hardened dick, and his mouth fell open farther, whimpers tumbling out of him. 

"Oh - oh god - !" It felt like the spreading of his inner flesh wouldn't stop. Cas had to be too big, he had to be - but eventually, he stopped, and Dean knew that Cas's entire cock was nestled inside of him. Cas's teeth were gritted, and he had his hands on Dean's hips, looking like he was trying really hard to be gentle. Dean swallowed, unsure of what to say or do. He wasn't sure if he _wanted_ Cas to move or do anything else.... But after a while, it didn't feel so . . . impossibly overwhelming. Dean started to shift his hips, a moan falling off his lips as he did so. Cas took the hint and started to slowly thrust his hips. 

Soon the truck started to rock with the momentum Cas put into fucking Dean, and Dean cried out - sounds, Cas's name, exclamations of God - and Cas was still wearing his rosary. It swung back and forth, thumping off of his chest. 

It didn't really hurt, though it was certainly giving Dean very different sensations. After a while, Dean realized that Cas was fucking him so deeply that he was hitting his lower intestine. Holy fuck, if Cas ejaculated inside of him, he'd be coming into Dean's lower intestine. 

Dean found he didn't really mind. 

Cas kept talking dirty to him - "you're so fucking _tight_ , so fucking _good_ , so good for me you little cock whore, your virgin ass is _perfect_ " - and Dean decided that he actually kind of liked being called a whore. The way that Cas growled it out in that voice of his made his body hot and flush and his cock twitched even more. 

Dean couldn't talk back - it was too much, he was feeling too much - but he knew what he wanted to say, what he was going to say once Cas was done pounding his ass so hard. 

Dean ended up coming twice before Cas finally unloaded inside of him. Dean gasped as he felt Cas's semen spray inside. 

Cas took a moment to breathe, and Dean breathed with him. He felt the rosary press against his chest, and he blushed more. 

"Cas?"

The man smiled at him. "Yeah, Dean?"

Dean licked his lips. 

"This makes me _your_ whore, right? Not some random one you pick up off the street?" 

Cas leaned in and kissed Dean. 

"Sure, Dean." 

Dean found himself smiling too. 

Cas got off of Dean and buttoned up his pants. Dean re-situated himself, picked his underwear and pants up off the car floor, and put them back on. Once Dean was buckled again, they continued to head over to the grocery store to pick up the beer. 

When they got back, Cas was telling Dean stories about previous hunts, and Dean was falling farther in love. 

Cas was gone the next morning without so much as a goodbye. But Bobby had Cas's phone number, and Dean wrote it down and memorized it.


	2. What's Wrong, Dean?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's a long time before Dean sees Cas again, and Sam notices something weird is going on before anyone else does.

By the time that Dean saw Cas Novak again, he had turned fifteen. He had left phone messages on Cas's cell phone - not every day, but a lot of time over time. They were of varying topics, letting Cas know that this was Dean, here was his number, to call him back, hoping he was okay, hoping his hunting was going well, admitting that he was missing him, admitting that he wanted to go another round with Cas, admitting that he wasn't sleeping with anyone else or even kissing anyone else. 

Dean didn't know how much to tell him or if sharing too much would make him never call him back. But he wanted Cas to call him back, to at least talk to him again. 

Sam knew Dean was calling Cas. Dean was careful not to do it when John was around, but Sam would see him pulling out his cell phone, dialing Cas's number - which Dean had memorized and Sam had memorized the number just by watching Dean press the same numbers over and over. Sam never knew what he was saying because Dean kept a big enough distance between them when he made these calls. 

Sometimes Dean would tell Cas where he and his family were staying on hunts, but Dean never actually expected Cas to show up. 

There was a knock at the door of the motel room, and Dean and Sam looked up from what they were doing. Dad wasn't expected back until late. Dean motioned for Sam to head towards the bathroom to hide. Sam moved, but towards where they kept the shot gun. Dean walked over to the door and looked through the peephole. His mouth fell open as he recognized the man on the other side. 

He couldn't unlatch the lock and open the door fast enough. 

"Cas!" 

Cas grinned at him, and Sam raised his eyebrows. 

"What're you doing here?" Dean asked, throwing his arms around him. Cas laughed and hugged him back. 

"You told me where you were staying, remember?" Cas brought his mouth to Dean's ear. "And you told me how lonely you were." 

Dean blushed as he pulled back. 

"I wasn't sure you got those messages."

"Nah, I got every single one. Just been super busy." Again, in a low, husky voice in his ear - "If you ever want an immediate response, send a sext or a dirty pic." 

Loudly enough for Sam to hear, Cas said, "Heya, Sammy."

"It's Sam," Sam said, narrowing his eyes at Cas. "What do you want?"

"Just thought I'd drop in and say hi. Your dad around?"

"No," Dean said before Sam could. "He's out researching. Said he'd start the hunt as soon as he was done. Me and Sammy are supposed to stay here." 

Cas nodded. "Any plans for dinner?"

"I scrounged up some cash for pizza." 

Sam furrowed his eyebrows and frowned deeply. 

"Dean?" 

Dean looked over at Sam. "What?"

"We're supposed to double-check if the people we let in are demons or not." 

Dean blushed heavily, and Cas grinned more. 

"Smart kid. What do you suggest, then?" 

Sam looked from Cas to Dean, then back again. 

"Stay here, don't do anything." Sam said, then he went into the back of the room to get the holy water out of John's bag. 

While Sam was out of sight, Cas grabbed Dean's chin, tilted his head, and planted a big kiss on Dean's lips. Dean let out a small squeak of surprise. He slipped his tongue past Dean's lips, flicking it across Dean's front teeth. He then pulled back, barely letting Dean catch his breath before whispering in his ear. 

"I'm really looking forward to pounding your ass. Would you like that, baby?"

Dean bit his lower lip and tried not to moan. But . . . . 

"Is that the only reason you dropped by?" 

Cas opened his mouth to respond, but Sam returned. He let go of Dean's chin. Sam paused for a moment, the look on his face showing that he knew something was off but not sure what it was. 

"You drink this without screaming in agony, then we're good," Sam said, walking over to Cas and handing him the bottle of holy water. Cas took it without any hesitation, popped the top off, then gulped the holy water down. He let out a refreshed sigh, then handed the bottle back to Sam. Sam still gave Cas a suspicious look, but he took it back and put the top back on. "I _guess_ you can visit." 

Sam glanced at Dean for a moment, then went back to the table to do his homework. 

Cas was still smiling, and Dean couldn't help but smile too. Sam, however, was watching them from afar. 

Cas tugged at Dean's arm, pulling him to the far end of the room, though not hiding from Sam. 

"You really think I just wanna fuck you and nothing else?"

Dean bit his lip, but nodded slightly. 

"It's just that I haven't heard from you and - " 

Cas nodded, holding back from kissing Dean in front of Sam, but his tongue was darting across his lips. Dean flushed at the sight. 

"I get it, I see how that looks now. I'm sorry, babe, I'll do better." 

Dean smiled at him, easily charmed by the grin on Cas's face. 

Sam was still watching them and narrowing his eyes, trying to figure out how to read lips so he could figure out what was being said. 

When Sam first met Cas, he hadn't minded the man all that much. He was just another guy his dad worked with. But in between the last time and now, Sam knew about the monsters and the hunting now. He knew Cas was a hunter. He knew Dean _really_ liked Cas - hell, probably more than anybody. He noticed that some of Dean's behavior was changing slowly; Dean kept checking his phone to see if he had gotten a message from Cas back. It was no longer Dad he waited with baited breath to hear from. Hell, if it was, he'd see Dean happy with the phone a lot more often. Not that that was saying much. 

Dean no longer flirted with girls or made out with them behind bleachers, and he no longer talked about getting laid. 

Dad hadn't noticed, because Dad was never around. 

But Sam noticed. 

And he didn't like it. 

He could tell by the way that Cas kept glancing at him that he wanted to get Sam out of the hotel room for some reason. After a while, Sam was tired of getting glanced at by the older hunter and closed his math book. He was tired of watching Dean have that . . . weird look on his face, as though he was really happy but also was expecting something more. He walked over to them and caught a bit of the conversation. Cas was telling Dean about more of his hunting stories. 

"Dean, I'm hungry," Sam said. Dean looked up at Sam, and Sam was a bit glad that at least he still paid Sam attention despite Cas being there. 

"Okay, I'll call the delivery guy."

"Is there a place nearby?" Cas asked. Sam furrowed his eyebrows some. 

"Uh, yeah, sort of in walking distance. Why?"

"Maybe Sam could go get it by himself?"

Sam raised an eyebrow. Sam was never allowed to do things by himself. Dean's eyebrows flew up. 

"Uh.... Dad wouldn't like that."

"Why not? It's down the road, he can take care of himself." Looking at Sam, he asked, "How old are you?"

"Ten. I turn eleven in a month." 

"And you're still not allowed to walk down the street by yourself?"

Sam and Dean exchanged looks; Sam was a little happy to see that this sounded bizarre to Dean too. 

"You know what's out there, and even if a monster isn't going to get him, there's still - "

"If anyone can take care of themselves, it's a hunter's boy."

"But it's my job to take care of him," Dean protested. 

Cas paused, and for a moment, he actually looked like a real person with empathy, Sam thought. For a moment. The more this conversation went on, the more Sam disliked Cas. 

"Tell you what - I bet nothing bad happens to Sam. If I'm wrong, you can throw me under the bus when your dad gets back and I'll see to it personally that Sam comes out of it okay. Okay?" 

Dean looked like he didn't feel right making any kind of deal about Sam's safety. Sam, however, could see that Cas really wanted him out of the hotel room - or more specifically to be alone with Dean. And Sam wanted to know why. 

"Deal," Sam said. Dean looked to Sam, scandalized. 

"Sammy!"

"He's right. I'm almost eleven, I should be able to go to pick up pizza by myself." 

Dean then looked very torn between wanting to make both Sam and Cas happy, but knowing that Dad would be mad if anything did happen to Sam. In the end, he swallowed hard, then dug through his pockets for the money. 

"Okay...." 

"I've got it," Cas said, pulling out cash and handing it to Sam. Sam was actually a little impressed of the amount of money he was given. "Have fun with the independence, kiddo." 

Cas was grinning, and Sam found it very annoying. 

But Sam left the hotel room. He paused and peeked through the window. 

He watched as Cas moved closer to Dean, bringing his mouth next to Dean's ear and whispering into it. Dean blushed heavily and tightly gripped his knees. Cas's hand touched one of Dean's hands, then moved up Dean's thigh. Sam furrowed his eyebrows until he couldn't furrow them anymore. What the hell? He stayed there for a moment, but then he became a little concerned about what he was watching. He ducked back, then, keeping in mind that he really _was_ hungry, hurried to the pizza place. He put his order in and asked how long it would take to cook. He promised he would be right back in time to pick it back up, then he hurried back to the motel. 

He crouched down, then re-approached the window. He lifted his head up until he could peek into the window once more, but he heard things before he saw them. 

Having never watched a porno before or hanged around friends at school who talked about nothing but sex and girls, he didn't really know what was going on just from listening to it. It really was his first time hearing such things. 

" _Cas!_ " 

" _Fuck_ , you're as tight as I remember, _Jesus_ you're such a good whore."

Sam felt a rush of disgust and revulsion run through him. Dean wasn't a whore! He peeked over the window sill, then immediately ducked his head back down. _What the hell?_

He could hear Dean panting and moaning and whimpering. 

" _Oh god, Cas_ \- "

"C'mon, baby, tell me how you like it, tell me how much you like me pounding you in your tight little fuck hole, you dirty tramp."

"I - I l-like - _oh fuck, Cas!_ \- I like how deep you fuck me - ! _Fuck!_ "

Cas was laughing. "How deep am I fucking you, cockslut?"

"I - I can feel you hitting inside m-my - " Dean fell quiet for a moment, outside of a sigh of pleasure. 

"Inside your what, Dean? Are you embarrassed by how well your whore body is taking my thick, hard dick?"

Sam didn't like hearing this. He didn't - he didn't think it was right. Dean wasn't a whore, he wasn't some prostitute working the streets for cash, he was his big brother, a hunter, the only person Sam ever looked up to for the most of his life. Dean wasn't a whore. 

"Y-Yes, sir, I'm embarrassed - _god_ \- !" 

"No need to be embarrassed, baby. It's only natural for you to like my hard cock fucking you so hard and deep it hits your intestines. You like it when I come in them, don't you? You like being defiled so deeply, don't you you filthy, filthy whorish boy."

" _Fucking hell, Cas_ , yes, _yes_ I like it, I like it so much, _god!_ "

Sam swallowed hard, not sure what to do. He felt frozen under the window sill. He listened to Dean keening loudly for Cas Novak. 

Then he said things that Sam did have knowledge of. It always happened on TV and at school, to girls too dumb to know better. Sam didn't know it could happen to boys too. 

"Y-you have to call after, this time - _ah_ fuck _oh_ shit!" 

"I will, baby, I will, I promise."

"I mean it - _oh yes please there there, harder right there_ \- you have to. I'm your whore, not _a_ whore." 

"I know, baby, and you're such a good little whore."

Dean cried out as Cas fucked him harder, and Sam couldn't listen to this anymore. He felt dirty listening to it at all, but he also felt angry. 

Sam didn't know much about sex. Or relationships. 

But he knew what Cas was doing wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that he didn't give Dean the time of day, then showed up out of the blue, trying to kick Sam out of the hotel room so he could fuck Dean in the ass and probably leave again for another long period of time. It wasn't fair. 

Cas wasn't any better than Dad, except Dad was their dad. Sam knew Dad would always come back home and not make promises to Dean that his brother thought Dad would actually keep. No, Sam and Dean both knew Dad was full of crap, even if Dean liked to pretend that he wasn't. 

No, Dean was buying into Cas's crap. 

But Sam didn't know what to do about it. 

Sam went back to the pizza delivery place, picked up the pizza, paid for it, then took it back to the motel room. 

They were still fucking when he got back, and he really didn't feel hungry anymore. 

Sam paled a little as he listened to the sound of Dean crying out in pleasure and following it up with "your come feels so good inside me, _god_ it feels good." 

Sam chose that moment to knock on the door and alert them that he was there. 

There was rummaging around in the motel room, then Cas opened the door. Sam gave Cas a glare, and the asshole had the nerve to grin at him. 

"Everything go okay, kiddo?" 

"Yes," Sam said. "Have _fun_ with Dean?" 

Sam decided that he hated Cas Novak with a fiery passion when that grin on his face widened. 

"You have one hell of an older brother." 

Cas let Sam inside. Sam glanced at Dean. He had his jeans back on, but the cushion on the couch was flipped and Dean was breathing hard, his cheeks were heavily flushed, and he had an expression on his face that Sam couldn't identify. 

It would take Sam years to realize that Dean looked fucked-out and awed and satisfied in that moment. That if Dad had come home instead of Sam, he would've known what happened just from seeing Dean's face and would've murdered Cas for taking advantage of his son. 

But Sam wasn't Dad. Sam was ten, going on eleven, and knew he couldn't kill Cas. Even if he had the strength and power and plan, it was obvious Dean liked Cas a lot, and Sam didn't want to make Dean sad. 

They ate in the living room because Sam didn't want to know if it hurt for Dean to move off the couch.


	3. Stay Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> John and Cas work together on a hunt. John learns things about Cas that he doesn't want his boys exposed to.

Over the next few months, Cas Novak did respond to Dean's text messages. He always responded sooner if Dean gave him a snapshot of his dick; Cas preferred it when Dean snapshot his flaccid dick, then chronicled the progression to erection, then to climax as Cas would send dirty sexts, telling Dean what a good whore he was and to lick his cum off his fingers and take a picture of it so he could see. Dean learned just how bitter his cum tasted, and he blushed when Cas told him he was preparing him for when he'd get to suck Cas off. Said he didn't want him to be surprised by the taste and figured he and Dean had similar eating habits. Which was true; most hunters ate the same way, with Sam and his salads as an exception. But Sam wasn't really a hunter. Once he was told why he was being asked to taste his own semen, Dean would make a show of lapping it off his fingers and getting as much of it on his hands as he could so he could eat it. Cas started calling him a a dirty little cumslut and texted him about how he was going to thread his fingers through Dean's hair and push his head up and down on Cas's cock, helping him deep-throat him. Cas had asked him how far down his throat he thought Cas could get the head of his dick, and Dean, unsure of what to say, simply texted "as deep as you want" and got a picture of Cas's fully erect cock as a response. It made Dean's mouth water. 

Dean was glad Dad never looked at his cell phone or asked him who he was texting. Though Dad rarely saw him texting Cas. 

Dean never noticed the dirty look Sam would give the phone when he'd see Dean blush heavily. One time, while Dean was sleeping, Sam snuck his cell away from him and went through his texting history. He saw a lot more for Cas Novak than he ever wanted to and added a lot more derogatory name-calling to his vocabulary. Sam didn't like the idea of anyone calling Dean those names. He didn't understand why Dean was letting Cas call him those things or why Cas even wanted to call him those words. He was only eleven now, so he didn't really know what "cum" meant, but "cumslut" didn't sound all that nice, and he definitely knew "you fucking whore," "dirty little fuck hole," and "filthy cock-hungry tramp" weren't nice things to say either. Sam knew Dean wasn't a whore or a slut; he looked the words up in the dictionary just to be sure. A whore was a prostitute; Dean didn't sell himself for money at all. And a slut was someone who slept around a lot; Dean just slept with Cas. And he definitely didn't like Dean being called a "fuck hole," as though the only thing Cas cared about or liked about Dean was that he got to shove his penis up Dean's ass. 

But Dean didn't know that Sam knew. And Sam wasn't sure he really wanted to talk about it. He wasn't entirely sure how he felt about Dean liking men, let alone having sex with them. But he knew he definitely didn't like Dean having sex with Cas, even if Cas had been a woman. Cas just wasn't nice to Dean, not from what Sam could see. 

Dean, though, liked being called those names. The words might sound crude or rude or derogatory, but Dean honestly had never been given so much affection before. Cas gave him a lot of attention, even if most of it was sexual. He liked the kisses he'd leave on his lips and neck. He liked both the gentle and rough touches Cas would give him, liked being touched all over his body. He liked the feel of Cas's breath in his ear as he whispered those words to him. 

He missed it so much. He missed Cas so badly, and he was excited for learning how to suck Cas off. He could almost feel Cas's fingers in his hair just by thinking about it, and he could imagine how Cas's voice would sound as he talked dirty to him, calling him a good little cumslut for eating his semen so gladly and taking as much of his cock into his mouth as he could. Dean wanted to make Cas happy so much, and it was obvious that fucking Dean in as many ways as possible was going to achieve that. 

Sometimes Dean worried that Cas had other boys (or girls) that he did these things with. He knew Dad sometimes picked up women in bars and did the nasty with them. There'd be lipstick on his neck that he thought he had wiped off or hadn't realized was there or he'd smell of perfume that definitely wasn't his. So it would make sense if Cas, another hunter, picked up random people while out on a hunt. But Dean . . . Dean didn't want him to do that. He wanted Cas to come and find him and pin him down and fuck him until Cas was satisfied. Dean wanted to be everything Cas needed. 

Dean wanted to tell Cas how much he loved him, but he couldn't bring himself to do it via text message. No, he wanted to tell it to him to his face. Maybe while he was down on his knees and about to take Cas's hard, throbbing cock into his mouth. Maybe while Cas was pounding his ass so hard he could feel the aftershock vibrate in his stomach. Maybe after Cas came inside of him and told him what a good, dirty little whore he was. 

Dean thought about confessing to Cas a lot. 

When Dean was thinking about it and spacing out while looking out the car window or a restaurant window, it took John a while to get Dean to snap out of it and pay attention. 

It honestly worried John a bit. It wasn't like Dean to space out, especially not so much. He had noticed that Dean was smiling a lot to himself lately. And whenever he asked what he was thinking about, Dean would say it was nothing and duck his head. 

John did notice the bitchface Sam would get when this would happen, but when he asked about it, Sam refused to speak up about it. 

Sometimes John just didn't understand his kids. So when hunts came along, he focused on those a lot more because it was something he could actually do something about. 

It was September when there was a knock on the door and John answered it. He furrowed his eyebrows. 

"Novak?" 

Cas grinned at him. 

"The one and only."

". . . What are you doing here?"

John moved to go out of the motel room to talk to Cas, but Cas instead slid his way inside of the room. Unnerved some, John then just closed the door and turned towards Cas. 

"Heard you were on a hunt. Thought I'd drop by, see if you needed any help." 

". . . How did you know I was here?"

"Bobby," Cas said. But John knew that was a lie. Bobby would've given him a head's up if he was sending another hunter to help him out. 

It wasn't helping John trust this guy any better. 

"Dad, who's at the door?" Dean called, stepping into the area where he could see the doorway. A grin broke out on his face. "Cas!" He rushed at the man, and John honestly had never seen him so excited to see someone. Dean threw himself at Cas, and Cas wrapped his arms around him and squeezed him tightly. 

John watched as Cas pressed his mouth to Dean's ear (the one on the side of Dean's head that John couldn't see) and whisper something into it. John immediately felt angry; no one got to invade his son's personal space like that. He didn't care if Dean was still grinning like a maniac. 

"I'm good. What're you doing here?" 

Cas let go of Dean and straightened up. "Heard you were here, wanted to say hi. Help out on that hunt." 

"So you're staying here in the motel?"

"Yup. Room 213." 

The grin on Cas's face was unnerving John some. 

"Dean, go back to the back room and help your brother with his homework."

Dean's grin faltered a little. "B- yes sir." Dean gave Cas an apologetic look, then headed back into the back room. 

"You didn't have to do that," Cas said. "He could help too."

"His responsibility is looking after his little brother," John said, though it was true that Dean helped on hunts as well. "If you're so eager to help, then help."

He gave Cas the information he had and the plan he had in mind. For a few moments, Cas and John argued over whether or not John's plan was any _good_ , then argued over the changes Cas wanted to make. Only then did they finally head out to do the actual hunting. 

John actually was rather impressed with how efficient Cas was at hunting. He knew exactly what the weak spots were and knew how to strategy at the drop of a dime if something wasn't going as planned. And it honestly was a difficult hunt to begin with, so having Cas with him made things a bit easier. 

As they killed the sucker and burnt the body, though, John noticed that Cas was pulling something out of his bag. He furrowed his eyebrows as he realized it was a collection of pills in a bottle that wasn't meant for pills. He popped them into his mouth, then pulled out a water bottle and swallowed them down. 

"What're those?" John asked. 

Cas grinned at him. 

"What aren't they?" Cas remarked. John furrowed his eyebrows. 

"You're getting high?" 

"More like staying high," Cas said. 

"You did all of that _high_?" 

"Mm-hmm." 

For a moment, John was impressed. But then he remembered how Dean ran up to Cas and hugged him tight and looked so damn happy and how Dean really couldn't keep his eyes off the other hunter when he was over at Bobby's. 

John figured out that Dean had a case of hero worship - not unlike when John was growing up and had a bunch of different idols. For a second, John was a little hurt that it wasn't him, but he could see why it wouldn't be. Honestly, John wasn't much of a role model, and Dean was better than him, always had been, even at the age of five. But then he looked back at the bottle full of pills as Cas put it in his pocket. 

"Stay away from my boys." 

"Hm?"

Cas looked over at him, still smiling. John was frowning. 

"I don't want my boys exposed to that shit. Stay away from them."

Cas laughed. "You kill monsters for a living and are worried about your sons watching someone get high?"

John's face darkened. 

"If you can't understand why, then you definitely aren't allowed near them ever again, you hear me?" 

The younger man had the audacity to laugh at him. 

"What I understand," Cas said, not really looking at John, but in his direction. John realized that Cas never really focused on anyone or anything when he was talking. It wasn't making much sense that he was such a good hunter if he was high the whole time. "What I understand is that Sam needs to lighten up. Much too tense and angry for an eleven-year-old. And Dean - Dean's precious." 

John furrowed his eyebrows, looking at Cas, confused and suspicious. 

"What do you mean?" He knew Dean was precious - Dean was a good boy, a good son, a good brother, and a good hunter. John couldn't ask for a better son. 

Cas got a far-away look in his eyes, and his smile widened. 

"God made Dean absolutely perfect," Cas said, the words tumbling off more like a sigh than actual spoken words. 

It made the hairs on the back of John's neck stand up. 

"What the _hell_ does that mean?" 

Cas's smile turned into a grin, and he licked his lips, and John grabbed the front of his shirt. 

"You stay the hell away from my boy! You hear me?!" 

"Loud and clear," Cas _laughed_. John shoved him away from him. 

"You get the hell out of town," John said, then he stormed off towards the Impala. 

Cas bobbed his head as though listening to music no one else could hear. He walked back to the motel, unable to be bothered by the fact that he no longer had a ride. He started singing to himself as he walked, in a language no one passing him by would understand. Not unless they took Latin in college. 

John arrived back at the motel and stormed into the motel room. Dean and Sam jumped, then got up from the kitchen table. 

"Dad?" Dean asked as they watched John throw his bag across the motel room. 

"I don't want either of you talking to Cas Novak ever again, understood?" John said. 

"Yes sir," Sam said without complaint. Sam actually looked rather happy about it. 

Dean, however, looked affronted. "What? Why?" 

"Good hunter, not-so-good guy, and I want you boys to be safe." 

"But - "

"Dean, do as I say!" 

He didn't like how he had to say that. Dean was the good child who always did as he was told. 

Dean fell silent, but he clearly wasn't happy. Plenty of time passed before Dean spoke up again, asking if it would be all right for him to go by the convenient store and grab some things. John let him go after making sure he had a weapon with him. 

Dean, however, didn't go to the convenient store, at least not at first. He went down the motel room hall and found Cas's door. He knocked, and Cas opened it. He grinned at him. Dean walked into the motel room. 

When Cas closed the door, he pulled Dean into his arms and kissed him. Dean kissed him in return and moaned, but pulled back after a moment. 

"What happened with Dad?"

Cas shrugged. "Beats me. He's kind of weird. Know what today is, baby?"

Dean shook his head. Cas's grin widened. 

"It's my birthday. And I really want to celebrate by fucking the hell out of your throat. Wanna suck my cock, cumslut? I have so much cum to pump into you."

Dean blushed, and he felt his dick twitch in response. 

"Yes, sir. You'll have to teach me, sir, but I want to suck your cock real bad."

Cas moaned, biting at his lower lip, then licking his lips. 

"What would you do to get to eat my cum, you dirty tramp?" 

Cas brought his hand to cup Dean's crotch, and Dean moaned, gently moving his hips against his hand. 

"Anything, sir, I'd do anything." Dean swallowed hard. "Because I - " 

He didn't get to finish, though, because Cas kissed him and slipped his tongue into Dean's mouth, and Dean forgot what he had meant to say. Cas pulled him over to a chair, but refrained from sitting just yet. When their mouths parted, Cas was pulling Dean's pants down. He then ran his hands up Dean's chest, pulling off the shirt with it. With Dean as naked as the day he was born, with his pants and underwear pooled around his ankles, he forced Dean to his knees, and Dean complied. Dean bit his lower lip as he realized just how . . . incredible his point of view was. It was both really hot and rather intimidating. 

Cas brought his hands down and unzipped his pants, then pushed them down off his hips. He kicked his pants off, then tugged his hard-on out from his boxers. Dean's pupils dilated from lust as he watched. He swallowed, then licked his lips. 

"Cas?" 

Cas sat down and motioned for Dean to come closer. Dean crawled over to him and got between his legs. 

"Cas, I - "

"Don't worry, I'll help you. _Fuck,_ you're so beautiful like this. Tell me, should I come in your cock-hungry throat or come all over that pretty face of yours? It's not fair that you're so pretty, you filthy skank." 

Dean blushed heavily and smiled at him. 

"You can do whatever you want with me, sir." 

Cas moaned loudly, then grabbed Dean by the hair and pulled his face even closer to Cas's throbbing dick. 

"Open your mouth, whore."

Dean did as instructed, and Cas did as he promised in his text messages and guided Dean's head. 

Cas was actually surprised by how well Dean could suck. 

" _Holy fuck_ , do you not have a gag reflex? _Goddamn_ you really _are_ a cumslut." 

Dean could only blush and continue to suck Cas off, enjoying the name-calling and praise. Cas fucked his throat really good, though it was starting to get uncomfortable. But then he finally came in streams dripping down Dean's throat, and he couldn't bring himself to mind how long it took. Dean swallowed the cum as it was pumped into his mouth. 

"Oh yeah, that's good, such a good cumslutting whore you are. That's it, drink all of it up. Unf, you're such a sexy skank, I could fuck you all night." 

Dean pulled his mouth away from Cas's cock as he swallowed the last of it. He gasped and caught his breath, looking up at Cas all doe-eyed. 

"Cas?" he said, his voice sounding a little strained. 

"What is it?" he asked, running his fingers through Dean's hair. 

Dean swallowed once more, still able to taste Cas's cum in his mouth - salty and bitter, more so than his own. 

"I - y-you can fuck me whenever you want. However you want. B-because I love you. I'll do anything for you." 

Dean waited for Cas to respond. Cas leaned down and tilted Dean's head back and kissed him, tasting his own cum on Dean's tongue. 

Dean didn't get an "I love you" in return that night. But he did get to have his ass filled with Cas's dick as he grew hard again. Cas stood at attention faster than an army soldier when Dean called him "master" when told to. 

Cas fucked Dean so good, and Dean believed that this meant Cas did love him back. Cas did care about him. Dean chose to believe this and refused to entertain thoughts of anything else. 

Dean was back in his proper motel room, with a few things from a convenient store, a long time later, long after Sam went to sleep. John was still awake, but hadn't really realized how long Dean was gone for exactly. He had gotten too wrapped up in updating his journal and re-reading some things and getting drunk. Dean slept really well that night.


	4. High As a Kite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas goes too far and pulls Dean down with him. John and Sam aren't having it.

Another one of Dean's birthdays had come and gone by the time that _John_ saw Cas Novak again. But unbeknownst to John, Dean had been able to sneak moments with Cas - they'd happen to be in the same state, Cas would make the drive between their cities or they'd come up with a half-way point, and it would mostly be kissing, heavy petting, and outright fucking either in a motel bed or in the back of Cas's car. Dean was hitting some growth spurts, but nothing like Sammy; his body didn't resist the pushing of Cas's cock into his tight hole nearly as much, making him less tight, but Dean learned how to clench around him. He wanted Cas to fuck him deeply so much that it didn't take long at all to figure out how to ride Cas hard and with no shame. Dean got used to calling Cas "master," and Cas liked to answer when Dean would exclaim "God" as an expletive. 

Dean's thighs hugged Cas's waist, and Cas lay on his back, his head tilted back and his neck exposed. Eyes half-lidded, he looked up at Dean as Dean rocked back and forth, his hips grinding down, fucking himself on Cas's cock. 

"F- _fuck_ , Cas - !"

"That's it, you're doing wonderfully, you little cock whore, keep going, keep - "

"Master, I - I'm gonna come, I can't - "

"Shhhh, don't worry, keep going, fuck your tight hole on my thick, hard dick, fuck it 'til I come, you dirty tramp."

"M-Master...!"

Dean felt dirty, but it was a good kind of dirty. He liked it when Cas used his body, but he couldn't keep this pace up. 

"Master, I'm trying, I really am - "

"Good, good, _fuck_ you're so good, you can do it, you can do it, _fuck_ you're such a perfect whore."

Dean blushed heavily, and the praise and encouragement helped him go the distance, able to ride Cas the whole time until Cas came inside of him. He cried out as he felt Cas fill him. There was a few moments to catch breath, but soon he felt Cas's lips on his own as Cas sat up and reached up and cradled the back of his head, pulling him closer. Dean kissed him back eagerly, though exhaustion was coming over him and he still needed to breathe. 

"Cas," Dean breathed out, around Cas's lips. He felt Cas smile against his lips and heard the breathy laugh that tickled his mouth. 

"You're absolutely perfect, Dean. Such a perfect whoring skank for me," Cas said, continuing to kiss him. Dean moan appreciatively. 

"Anything for you," Dean sighed, his blush deepening as Cas's now flaccid cock shifted inside of him; Cas made no moves to pull out or to move Dean off of him. 

"Anything?"

"Mm-hm." 

"What if I wanted you to hunt with me?"

Dean pressed his forehead against Cas's and licked his bottom lip. 

"Sure."

"I mean without your dad. And Sam. Just you and me. Traveling. Together. Alone." 

Dean furrowed his eyebrows a little. "For one hunt, right?"

Cas shook his head. "Forever."

Dean paused and pulled away from Cas some. Cas stared into his eyes with those bright blue irises of his, and for a brief moment, Dean wanted to say yes because he didn't want to see any kind of disappointment in them. 

"I can't. Dad and Sammy need me."

Cas moved forward to make the space between their faces disappear, and he kissed Dean again. 

"But do you want to?" Cas asked as they parted again. 

Dean kept his silence. He bit at his lip and hung his head. 

"Please don't ask me that." 

Cas watched as Dean avoided looking him in the eye. 

"I think you do," Cas said. 

Dean took a deep breath. "There's no point in thinking about it." 

Cas watched his face for a few moments, then helped Dean get out of his lap with a grunt and a sigh. Dean then rolled off the bed and started to pick up his clothes. 

"You sure you want to leave already? We could go another round."

"I've gotta get back before they notice I'm gone."

Cas nodded, understanding. 

"At least let me make you some coffee?"

Dean hesitated for a moment, then nodded. "Okay."

Cas then rolled out of bed, didn't bother to get dressed at all, and headed into the kitchenette area of the motel room. He put on the coffee pot, the coffee grounds, and his bottle full of nondescript drugs. He popped some pills into his mouth, then rummaged around for a glass of water while the coffee worked on making. 

Dean finished getting dressed, then walked into the kitchenette after him, looking particularly down for someone who had just had sex with the love of his life. He bit at his thumb nail as he waited for the coffee, his eyes darting around the kitchen at everything but Cas. 

Cas could tell that Dean had been avoiding thinking about what he _wanted_ in favor of focusing on what John and Sam _needed_. And Cas thought that was shitty. 

When the coffee was ready, he poured Dean a cup and set it on the table. Dean went over to it and reached out to hold it. But then Cas set his pill bottle next to the coffee cup. Dean paused to stare at it for a couple moments, then he looked up at Cas. 

"Do you want to give it a try? Being with just me for a week or two?"

Dean didn't respond right away; he looked like a deer in the headlights or a small animal that had been spotted when it didn't want to be and was afraid of what might happen if it moved. 

"You can blame it all on me if they get mad. I promise to take the fall for you. I just . . . I really want you to be with me."

Dean swallowed a little. 

"What's brought this on all of a sudden?"

"Hm?"

"You just . . . you just focus on fucking a lot is all.... I didn't think you wanted . . . commitment."

Cas smiled at him a little. 

"If I didn't want commitment, I'd pick up a hooker, Dean."

Dean bit his lower lip. 

"Thought I was your personal hooker."

Cas laughed. 

"That's different, you little cumslut you." 

Dean smiled a little, but it was obvious he was unsure of Cas's offer. 

"I have to head home, Cas."

Cas nodded, then crossed the kitchen to pour himself some coffee. Dean gulped his coffee down, wanting to spend the least amount of uncomfortable time as possible. 

Cas slowly drank his coffee, then turned around as he heard Dean stumble and drop the coffee cup. The black liquid sprayed all over the kitchenette floor, and Dean leaned against the wall. Cas set his cup down, then went to Dean to provide support. 

"Don't worry, Dean, I've got you." 

There was fewer pills left in the bottle than there should have been. Dean hadn't opened it at all. 

When John and Sam woke up, Dean hadn't come back. John and Sam spent hours searching the town for Dean, only to be told that no one had seen him. 

When Sam called Bobby up, he was in tears and begging for help because he didn't know what to do and John had gone to report Dean missing to the police, and they _never_ got the police involved. But most of Dean's stuff was with them, and a horror that Sam had never felt before settled in him when he realized that Dean had left his cell phone on the kitchen table. 

There was no sign of a struggle in the motel room, and that was almost just as worrying. 

Within the hunting community, a PSA was sent out through Bobby. He relayed it to Ellen Harvelle (not that John or Sam knew that), and she helped Bobby spread the news that Dean Winchester, son of hunter John Winchester, had gone missing and that there was no sign of human or supernatural reasons for it and it wasn't like Dean to run off. If they found the supernatural thing that did it, kill it and let them know that they found Dean (be it dead, in pieces, or alive or safe). 

Dean wasn't missing for too long - but the month that he was missing felt like an eternity to John and Sam, and they heard no word from him or anyone about him, and John and Sam really didn't say anything to each other. It was a very silent month. Sam didn't fight. John didn't yell. Sam didn't attend school at all. They just stayed on the road and searched for Dean, hoping that hunts would lead them to him. They didn't really rest at all; Sam found it too difficult to sleep without knowing if Dean was safe or not. John only got to fall asleep if he got drunk enough, but that was when the tears spilled and he felt the most lost. 

He couldn't save his wife. He couldn't find his boy. All he had left was Sam, and sometimes he feared that Sam wasn't his, wasn't _human_ , that the thing in the nursery had come to collect.... But then he'd see Sam crying over Dean's absence just like he was, and he couldn't bring himself to fear his own son. 

It was the only time John had ever pulled Sam into a hug and tried to comfort him and lie to him about everything being all right. 

When they got the call, they were torn between being horrified and relieved. 

"Rufus found him," Bobby told John over the phone. "He's alive, but when he found him, he was drugged - high as a fucking kite - and . . . ."

"And what, Bobby?"

Bobby was quiet on the other end for a while. 

"Rufus took him to the hospital to double-check for wounds and stuff like that.... It looks like someone's been drugging him and - and _having their way_ with him for the past month." 

The sound of the words sounded like they were poison Bobby was spitting from his mouth, and it made John's insides run cold and bile build up in his throat. 

"You - you mean to tell me someone's been raping my boy?"

It was quiet on the other end; John understood - Bobby loved Dean and Sam just as much as he loved his boys. 

"Where'd he find him?" John asked instead, when Bobby didn't answer. He didn't need to. 

"In a motel room in Miami, Florida. There's no evidence that what took Dean was supernatural, but there was evidence of another person having been in the motel room with him. A bunch of hunting equipment was in a duffel bag, but it wasn't all of it as far as Rufus could tell."

John's insides went from cold to furiously burning. 

"Another _hunter_ kidnapped, drugged, and _raped my boy?_ "

"Looks like it," Bobby said, sounding much more subdued. 

John could kill someone. John _would_ kill someone. John was going to _murder that son of a bitch_. 

"Is he still in Miami?"

"Rufus is bringing him here. I figured you and Sam could come up here, meet back up with him, and all three of you can take a break and relax some."

"Thanks, Bobby." 

John hung up and went to give Sam the news. He had intended to just tell Sam that they found Dean, but Sam it turned out had already heard most of the conversation. New, angry tears were in Sam's eyes. 

"Who hurt Dean?" 

John wished he knew. 

"I don't know. But we're going to find out and kill the bastard."

Sam nodded, just as resolute on the matter as his father. It was the first, last, and only thing they could really agree on: that anyone who hurt Dean wasn't going to get away with it. 

At Bobby's, Rufus stuck around just long enough to make sure that Dean had what he'd need until John and Sam showed up with Dean's things. Dean sat at Bobby's kitchen table and drank the water Bobby had given him. Bobby worked on fixing Dean something to eat, unsure of when Dean had last eaten but the boy looked like he needed to eat _something_. Dean swallowed some gulps down, then lowered the glass. 

"Bobby?" 

Bobby looked over at Dean. His heart reached out to the boy, who looked so unsure and worried. 

"Yeah?"

"Rufus said he found me alone...."

Bobby nodded. "He did. There was enough evidence in the motel room to tell us it was another hunter."

"So . . . you don't know who he was? Or what he was hunting?"

Bobby shook his head. "Nope."

Dean was quiet for a moment. ". . . What was I wearing? Last thing I remember, it wasn't this." He tugged at the plaid shirt he was wearing. 

Bobby grimaced. "You . . . you weren't wearin' anything, I'm afraid." 

Dean blushed. Then he processed that for a few moments before it occurred to him how that must've looked to Rufus and thus to Bobby. 

"He didn't rape me, if that's what you're thinking. He had permission."

Bobby raised his eyebrows. "And what makes you say that?"

Dean blushed further. "He's kind of my boyfriend...."

Bobby stared at him for a few moments. Dean lifted the glass to his lips again and drank. The food sizzled on the pan. 

"Your boyfriend."

Dean nodded. 

"Your boyfriend kidnapped you and drugged you."

Dean grimaced a little, but nodded and tried to make the grimace look like it wasn't so bad. 

"Well don't you know how to pick 'em."

"He had asked me to try out spending some time with just him and not Dad and Sam.... I hadn't given a straight answer really...."

"That doesn't make this okay, you realize that. Right?"

Dean made no indication as to what he thought for a while, but then he nodded and avoided Bobby's eyes. 

He was silent for a while longer. 

"He's just lonely, Bobby.... I think he's kind of scared, too."

"Scared of what?"

"I dunno...." 

Bobby didn't like the sound of that. 

"Dean, you have to cut 'im loose. He can't do this to you, and you can't let him. Your dad and brother have been worried sick and terrified about what happened to you."

Dean nodded. "I know."

The subject was temporarily dropped. Much later, John and Sam arrived, and the reunion between them was full of tears they tried not to shed and hugs and "you're okay, you're really okay." Dean refused to divulge the identity of who kidnapped and drugged him, but he stuck by his story that he wasn't raped. 

Sam, however, was quoting legal documents and United States law, insisting that any sex with a minor and any sex with a minor that was under the influence of mind-altering substances like drugs was immediately considered to be a case of rape because minors cannot consent and those under the influence cannot consent either due to the substances being a form of coercion. 

John was rather impressed with his youngest, though he didn't say so, and Dean gave Sam a look that said just what he thought about that. Sam, however, was narrowing his eyes. 

Sam had a feeling he knew who kidnapped Dean. 

The next time Sam saw Cas Novak, he was going to shoot him in the knee caps.


	5. What Do the Voices Say?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam confirms that it was Cas. Cas has bigger problems than what John, Sam, Bobby and other hunters have planned for him.

When John and Sam reached Bobby's house, the first thing Sam did when he saw Dean was run up to him and hug him. Dean hugged him back and buried his face into Sam's neck. John watched for a couple moments, then couldn't help it any longer and joined them, wrapping his arms around both of his children. John bit back a sob and simply kissed Dean on the top of his head. Dean smiled a little. 

"I'm sorry," Dean said, the words getting somewhat lost in Sam's hair. 

Sam shook his head. 

"We missed you," he said, the silent _It's not your fault_ hiding in the statement. 

"I missed you, too." 

The time period where they stayed with Bobby to let things ease back to normal was . . . interesting. Dean didn't talk about what had happened to him, and Bobby was the one who filled John in on where Dean stood on the issue. 

"He's refusing to tell who it was, and he's insisting he wasn't . . . _you know_. So whoever it was is someone who he _felt_ close to or someone who is really good at brainwashing and manipulating people."

John swallowed hard. 

"How do we find out for sure?"

"Got any ideas?"

"One. But if I'm wrong...."

"Right." Though Bobby couldn't know that John wasn't thinking on the exact same lines as him. John didn't care that it was another hunter, another human, by this point. He just knew that Dean was very attached to Cas Novak, though he couldn't understand why. He knew that Dean would be hurt if he murdered Cas. And if this hadn't turned Dean against Cas, then either it wasn't Cas (despite what John thought) or Cas had gotten his claws into his boy too deep and John wasn't going to risk getting his boy hurt further. 

"Well, I guess hunt that hunter down and interrogate him. If he didn't do it, he didn't do it. And there's some truth serum I have in the back from a few hunts back."

"Great. That sounds great." 

This was really the only break they had had in a really long while. Sam got to be enrolled in the local school, and Dean had fun walking him to and from school. Bobby had Dean helping him with the phone calls - having told Ellen that they had found him, Ellen had gotten the word out that the search was no longer for Dean Winchester but for the hunter that had kidnapped him, and many of the hunters were more sympathetic to the cause than John or Bobby had ever expected, even hunters who didn't like John all that much. There of course were some assholes in the community, but a lot of them had bigger hearts than John had given them credit for. It also might've been part of Ellen simply choosing which hunters to trust with the information. 

When the hunters would get Dean on the phone, they were kind and didn't say that they knew what had happened to him, but it was clear when Bobby would hear what they had said that they were making sure that Dean knew that if he ever needed any help again, that they would be there for him. 

Bobby was really grateful for Ellen's help. 

Dean hadn't been given his old phone back. Sam had held onto it, but John had gotten Dean a new cell phone. Sam, however, was getting text messages intended for Dean on Dean's old phone. From Cas. 

Sam would read them, and his eyes would darken as they confirmed that it had been Cas who had kidnapped Dean. 

_Where are you? Are you okay?_

_I'm sorry, I fucked up, I know, but please tell me if you're okay._

_Damn it, Dean, are you even alive?_

_Text or call me back. Please._

_You're scaring me, baby._

_Please don't be dead._

_I'm sorry, I'm sorry for everything, just please please be alive._

Sam didn't text him back for Dean. And the continuing texts assured Sam that Dean wasn't trying to get back into contact with Cas. And that made Sam feel better. 

Sam thought about telling Bobby and John about the texts. And about the other texts with the dirty talk and the gross pictures of Cas's dick on the phone. But slowly, Sam was spending more and more time in the library in the law books section. And he honestly was coming up with a far greater revenge than John or Bobby could come up with. 

Sam appreciated the way that the law worked. It worked opposite John a lot, but Sam liked it nonetheless. It was meant to protect people. It was meant to make sure people's rights were respected. 

It was meant to put people like Cas behind bars. 

And that was exactly what Sam wanted. 

So instead of going to Bobby and John, he went to the Souix Falls Police Station one Saturday. 

The police officer he talked to was a young woman - it looked like she had recently been hired. It didn't really matter to him who he talked to, but she was the one who approached him first. And he knew he could get people to do things for him if he was cute and troubled enough. And this was a far more legitimate reason to get help that what he had previously used his adorableness for. 

"Can I help you?"

"What do I do if I want to report someone as a sex predator?"

Concern immediately displayed on her face. "Is someone hurting you?"

"No, my brother. He hurt my brother. There's a bunch of texts and pictures on my brother's phone. My brother's sixteen, and he's twenty six, and it's been going on for a couple years."

He handed the cell phone over, and she took it. 

"Do you have a name and description?"

Sam nodded. 

"He says his name is Cas Novak. Twenty-six, dark hair, blue eyes, rugged-looking. 6 foot?" 

She wrote down the information. "I'll see about getting this processed. Where do you live?"

"We're staying with Uncle Bobby."

"Bobby Singer? The old drunk with the junk yard?"

Sam nodded again. 

"And what's your name?"

"Sam Winchester. My brother's name is Dean." 

"Okay, Sam. I'm Officer Mills. You'll hear from me again, okay?"

Sam nodded. "Thank you, Officer."

Sam then left and headed back to Bobby's. 

Jody Mills took care of what she needed to do to get the evidence looked at and researched who Cas Novak was. 

When she found something, she realized this was a lot bigger than Sam realized, then went to talk to her supervisors about what to do about criminals who are wanted for crimes in other states. 

Jody drove up to Bobby's house after she had gathered a lot of information, feeling like she'd need to inform Bobby about Sam coming to her and what she had found out. She knocked on the front door, and Bobby answered it. She smiled at him. 

"Hi. We haven't met, I'm Officer Mills. I, ah, I'm here to talk to you about something that a Sam Winchester reported?"

Bobby stood there for a moment, a mild panic running through his head. "Come in," Bobby said, moving to let her in. Jody walked inside, and Bobby closed the door. 

John looked up at the officer entered the kitchen, startled. 

"Bobby?" John called. 

"Officer, this is John, John, this is Officer Mills. She's here about something Sam took to the police."

That made John straighten up, his hand moving over the paper to purposefully hide the symbols on the piece of paper. 

"Sam - ?"

Jody nodded. "About a Cas Novak and a sexual assault situation."

"Cas?" Bobby said, surprised. John wasn't, though, and Bobby noticed it. "Is there something I don't know about?"

Jody then explained that Sam had come to the station to report it, then gave him Dean's phone. She told them what was on it, and John looked like he was going to explode. But he managed to keep it contained. 

"I knew it, I _fucking knew it._ " John put his face into his hands and tried to regulate his breathing. Dean and Sam were out of the house for now, going for a walk. 

"How do you know Cas Novak, sir?"

John lowered his hands. "We - we worked together a couple times in the past, but then I learned that he gets high and had a creepy interest in Dean, so I told him to stay away from my family and told the boys to keep away from him."

"When was this?"

"A year ago." 

Jody took note of that. 

"And how do you know him, Mr. Singer?"

"Work. He came by for some car repairs once or twice. Sometimes just for a beer and to talk." 

Jody paused, seeing the guilt in his eyes. She couldn't know that it was Bobby who had told John that Cas was safe, that it was Bobby who thought they could trust Cas, even though they hadn't known him for a long time at the time. But she wanted to help comfort them. 

"We're doing what we can to find him, but it's going to be more difficult than we thought. Our police force aren't the only ones looking for him. He's wanted for murder in several other states, the first one being in Alabama and the murder of both of his parents. He was temporarily put in a mental institution and was being treated for schizophrenia before he escaped. He also has a twin brother, Jimmy Novak, so we also have to be careful about IDing the wrong guy."

"He's schizophrenic?" John said, furrowing his eyebrows. 

"As in he hears voices and hallucinates?" Bobby asked, seeking confirmation. Jody nodded. 

"According to the mental hospital, yes. He heard voices that he believed were angels and was convinced that killing his parents was the right thing to do because of these voices." 

John took a deep breath, then stood up. 

"I'm going to go get the boys, bring them back here."

Bobby nodded. But then the front door slammed open. 

"Cas - !" Dean's voice echoed through the house. 

Jody immediately responded, pulling her gun out. Bobby and John jumped into action, Bobby grabbing his own gun. John let the paper that he had been hiding from Jody fall to the floor, then pulled out a knife that he had tucked into his belt. 

Cas Novak slammed the door shut once Dean and Sam were in the house, and he quickly locked it. He didn't stop, moving to shut the doors and lock them tightly and pulling the curtains closed around them. 

"Get the rest of them!" Cas ordered. Neither Sam nor Dean moved. 

"Cas, what's going - ?"

Sam's eyes widened as they watched Cas practically pull his hair out before unsheathing a knife and slicing his own hand open. 

"Cas!" Dean admonished as he watched him create weird sigils that they had never seen before on the door, then on the walls, with his own blood. "What are you doing?"

"It has to be in human blood, it has to - close and lock everything! They'll get in!" 

Dean, ever the soldier, jumped into action at that point, but Sam stayed standing. Dean did as Cas asked, then rejoined Sam in the middle of the living room. 

"Cas?"

Cas finished drawing sigils on the walls, then panted, looked around the whole room to see if there was anything else he needed to do. He then slumped down onto his knees and ran his bloody hand through his hair. 

"Shit shit shit shit shit - !" 

"Cas?" Dean repeated, and Cas looked up at him. He didn't seem to actually recognize him at first, but a few moments later, he managed a little smile. 

"Fucking hell, I'm so glad you're alive. You didn't text back, so I didn't - "

"I - I don't have my old phone anymore, I didn't get any...."

Cas just seemed to accept that as an answer and didn't ask any other questions - which was just as well, it looked like his brain couldn't handle much else. 

"Are you okay?" Dean asked, which felt like a stupid question, but it felt like it needed to be said. 

Cas shook his head, wiping more blood over his face. 

"Th-th-they found out I was listening and th-th-they don't like my meddling, w-w-which is a problem 'cause I've been meddling a lot but th-there are demons interested in my m-meddling and now I'm in a shit load of trouble and I just - I didn't want to do this _alone_ \- and I know it's not an excuse, and what I did was shitty b-but - but _they like you_ and wouldn't hurt you, they're _not allowed_ to hurt you - !"

Cas was shaking and it sounded like he was trying not to cry and he was just completely unglued. 

Dean slowly approached Cas. 

"Who wouldn't hurt me? Who's mad?" 

Cas looked like he was trying to answer, but then he grabbed both sides of his head, blood dripping down the side of his head, and he looked like he was in a lot of pain. In the end, he just shook and hung his head. 

Dean went to get closer to Cas, but John spoke up. 

"Dean, don't go near him."

Dean stopped and looked to John, then looked back to Cas, then back to John, clearly torn between listening to John and being there for Cas. 

Jody didn't know what to do, but she had her walkie talkie, so she picked it up and pressed the button and told the other end that she needed back-up, that they had a mentally unstable, unpredictable fugitive on their hands and the safety of four civilians - two of them minors - to be concerned about. 

Dean swallowed hard and looked to Cas. 

"Cas, what are they mad at you for? What were you meddling in?"

Cas was trembling, and some snot was starting to tribble down his face. 

"They got mad I found out who the Knight of Hell has chosen to - to lead the demon army against - "

Cas then grimaced terribly, like he was in great pain, and he didn't finish that statement. 

Jody's back-up arrived shortly, and John quickly grabbed Dean and Sam, keeping them away from Cas. 

Dean could only watch, any anger or resentment he felt towards Cas fading away in favor of concern and worry. 

Dean was hurt, yes, but he still loved him.


	6. Special Boy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas sits in the slammer, waiting for a decision to be made about if he'll stay in prison or be relocated to a mental institution. Dean wants to help; Bobby and John can't trust his word anymore if he's having a psychotic break and are trying to find out what this Knight of Hell business is about.

After the prison doctor got him hopped up on legal medication, Cas Novak had been fairly calm in his little prison cell. But calm didn't mean he was responsive at all. He was completely out of it and couldn't focus on anything. He was vaguely aware of his surroundings, enough to know that he was alone in his cell and that he really needed to snap out of it and put up the protective sigils.... He could still hear them in his head. He knew they were looking for him. And he was a sitting duck this way.... 

The movements of his arms felt so . . . heavy. Difficult. He knew it was the meds. He didn't really like sedatives. He preferred the ones that made everything seem so . . . electrified. Made the inhibitions melt away.... These were much different. 

He didn't like these at all. 

He felt around in his pockets - the fabric was different from his usual clothes, they must have changed him when they first stuck him with a sedative shot after they had relocated him from Bobby's - and discovered that they had taken all of his blades. He had been keeping some razors in his pocket for emergencies, but it looked like he didn't even have those. 

He slowly lifted his head up, but even that was a chore. 

There was a guard standing outside of his cell, but he wasn't quite paying attention to him. Must've been because of the meds. Don't have to keep a close eye on the heavily medicated guy, now do you? 

It took too much effort to bring his mouth to his hand and then it took too much effort to gather up enough strength to bite his own palm hard enough to draw blood. But he still managed it. He then forced himself to roll onto his side and drew on the wall on every space he could reach. The guard continued to read his magazine as he did so, so by the time it was noticed, Cas was already finished and had fallen asleep because the meds made it too difficult to stay awake any longer. 

When Cas woke up, the doctor was coming back into his cell. He moved to get away from him, but the guards grabbed him and brought him closer to the doctor. 

"We won't put such a high dosage in you this time," the doctor assured him. "You have a visitor, and we're just making sure you don't fly off the handle."

Cas furrowed his eyebrows. "Visitor?" Was it the lawyer? Was he going to get a lawyer? 

The doctor didn't explain further than that. 

Cas honestly didn't expect them to actually let Dean come to visit him, considering. 

"Dean."

Dean smiled at him through the bars. 

"Hey."

"What're you doing here?"

"See how you were doing. Feeling better?"

Dean's eyes wandered to the wall; the blood had dried long ago. Dean swallowed. 

"What're those for?" Dean asked, pointing at them. 

Cas sighed a little. "Sigils. To ward off . . . to ward off angels."

"Angels?" Dean furrowed his eyebrows. "Why would you want to ward angels off?"

"Because they're dicks," Cas remarked, resting his head on the bars. He stared at Dean for a little while. He wet his lips. "I really am . . . sorry. I . . . I was sober long enough to . . . to realize that maybe you wouldn't have appreciated the drugs as much as I do. . . . and that while I could tell that you did want to stay with me, that didn't mean I had any right to . . . do that. . . ."

Dean swallowed hard and started to move his hand towards Cas. He hesitated, then followed through with the gesture and cupped Cas's cheek. 

"I'll admit, I . . . I was scared and . . . and it hurt my feelings . . . but I can't say I'm not used to it."

Cas furrowed his eyebrows. 

"What do you mean?"

Dean shrugged. Without looking at him, he continued, "Dad doesn't really listen to me, either. I don't mind if you don't either."

Cas slowly moved his hand out of the bars and ran his fingers through Dean's hair, bringing them to the back of his head. Something in his heart clenched, and goddamnit why had he been such an idiot? 

"Dean, look at me."

Dean brought his eyes up to look at him, like he asked. 

"Don't you dare let anyone treat you badly. Not ever. You deserve so much more than . . . than me or your dad or anybody really has ever given you up until now. God made you perfect, you understand me? You are His perfect little child, and I have been so blessed to have known you and I should have treated you better. If I ever get to have you again, I will treat you better, understand?" 

Cas swallowed hard, seeing the blush coming onto Dean's cheeks. 

"But if I don't, you can't let me have you. Okay? And if I don't listen when you say no, you shoot me in the face. Got it?"

Dean actually _laughed_ , but after a few moments, he seemed to realize just how seriously he was being. 

"I can't shoot you in the face, Cas. I love you." 

Somehow that hurt more than anything else. 

"Then get your brother to do it, I just - I'm a selfish prick, okay? And you deserve better, is the point I'm trying to make."

Cas hung his head, and Dean moved his hand from Cas's cheek. 

"I'm shit at showing you how much I love you, and you need someone who can show you that properly."

Dean wasn't making this easy for him, though. 

"I don't want anybody else. And I'm gonna get you out of here somehow. I'll help protect you from the angels, okay? But you have to tell me what they want from you."

Cas looked back up at Dean and opened his mouth, but there was the sounds of a door opening and yelling. 

"Who let the Winchester boy back here!? You're not supposed to let the victim near the assaulter! Who the hell is in charge of the jail tonight!?"

Dean leaned through the bars to kiss Cas, but then he was pulled away from him and taken away. Cas crawled back to the "bed" he had and lay down on it. He looked at the sigils he drew and sighed to himself. 

He really was in a lot of trouble.... 

The jail wasn't sound-proof, though. He could hear Dean trying to convince Bobby and John to talk to him as they walked past or away or . . . wherever they were going. A wry smile came onto Cas Novak's face as he heard them discredit everything he had done in the past and everything he had to say simply because he was schizophrenic. 

Except he wasn't. Not really. He knew he wasn't. 

Angels were real, and they wanted their secrets kept secret. Not broadcasting into the head of a not-so-stable hunter with a foul mouth and poisoned veins and a dick that grew far too hard at the idea of bending over fourteen-year-old boys over the hood of his car. 

Not broadcasting into the head of a hunter who made deals with a very ambitious crossroads demon. 

In the dead of night, Crowley came for him. 

"You've really gotten yourself into the crapper, haven't you, Radio?"

"Hello, Crowley."

"I was wondering when I'd see you again. When you broke deal #2." 

"You give me pills in exchange for angel radio."

"Why did you do that? Mr. Not So Sober Now?"

Cas bit his lip. 

"I put the last of my pills elsewhere."

"Nullifying the conditions of our agreement, making the agreement void. Why?"

Cas swallowed, avoiding looking at Crowley. 

"Radio - "

"Don't call me that."

". . . Cas. If I can't trust you anymore, then I'm cutting off all our deals. Understand?"

Cas was quiet for a while longer. Then - "The angels know I'm going to interfere with the game plan."

"And why is that? What's the game plan?"

"The Apocalypse."

Crowley's eyebrows flew up. "Really?" 

Cas nodded. "The Knight of Hell, Azazel, is selecting the one who will lead the demon army amongst those of us here on Earth. I know who his favorite is. I know who they intend to be Michael's Sword." He looked over at Crowley. "And I want to protect them from them. All of them."

Crowley nodded, then stepped up to the cell bars. "So who are they? The demon leader and the Sword?"

Cas kept his head down. "They're brothers. I'm . . . I'm familiar with them."

"Ah. So God is pulling a second Cain and Abel."

Cas snorted. God. Right. 

"Well, you can't protect them from in there," Crowley said. His eyes glowed red. "Make another deal? I help you protect the two brothers, you help me survive the Apocalypse."

Cas got up off the cot, then moved towards the bars. 

"Deal."

Crowley reached for Cas through the bars, and Cas moved forward, making the smashing of lips easier and the clashing of teeth and the dueling of tongues, and Crowley tasted of sulfur and Scottish alcohol and a fancy meal Cas had never ever been able to afford and never cared to try, and he could feel the familiar burning of the sealing of the deal, the way the magic felt like it would scar his tongue. 

When they parted, Crowley sighed contentedly and smirked at him. 

"Nearly forgot what that was like."

Cas didn't look Crowley in the eye. 

"Play your cards right, Radio, and you just might get something extra."

Cas fought the urge to roll his eyes. 

When Jody Mills and the lawyer went by the cell the next day, it was empty, and no one knew where Cas had gone (or that Crowley had been there at all).


	7. You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean, John, and Sam don't see Cas again for two years.

It was two years later when Dean, Sam, and John saw Cas Novak again. 

Two years of not mentioning Cas. Two years of Dean staring out the window, wondering where he went. Why he didn't wait. Two years of John driving and thinking good riddance if he thought of Cas at all. Two years of Sam silently watching Dean, watching him look wistfully and sadly out the car window. Two years of Dean sometimes texting an unknown person and never getting a text back. 

Two years of Dean never moving on and getting over him. 

Two years of Sam knowing Dean wasn't getting over Cas Novak. 

Two years of John pretending that everything was back to normal and fine and ignoring the evidence against otherwise. 

It was hunting and killing monsters and arguing with Sam about school and Dean not caring about dropping out or not going to college or not getting in some girl's (or guy's) pants. 

Sam wished he'd get back on the horse and just . . . find someone, anyone. Sam didn't care who by this point. 

He wanted his brother to stop looking so sad all the time. 

Dean didn't talk about it. Dean didn't mention Cas's name. He focused all of his energy on hunting and looking after Sam. But he wasn't happy. 

It made Sam want to scream that anyone could possibly have such a profound effect on Dean to make him this way. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair! 

Two years passed, and John stepped into Ellen's bar for the first time in . . . who knew how long. 

Ellen smiled at Dean and Sam. "Hello boys. I haven't seen you two since you were real little."

"Hello, ma'am," Dean and Sam said together. 

"Name's Ellen. Nice to see you again."

She didn't really talk to John. John went over to talk to some hunters who had told him to meet them there. Dean and Sam hung out with Ellen and Jo at the bar, Jo chatting Sam up. Dean managed a small smile, thinking it was cute, his fourteen-year-old little brother flirting with a girl. 

The bar doors swung open, and there was a hush in the bar. 

Curious as to the sudden quiet, Dean and Sam turned around in the chairs. 

The smile Sam had on his face while talking to Jo slipped right off, and Dean slid off his chair. 

"Cas!"

He ran at Cas Novak, and despite the much too slow movements to turn right back out those doors and go somewhere else, Dean collided with Cas and threw his arms around him and hugged him tightly. He had grown since Cas last saw him, and was getting to be taller than him. 

"Dean!" John called, his tone of voice indicating that he _did not_ want Dean anywhere near Cas. But Dean ignored him entirely. 

Cas didn't hug him back right away. It was as though he had frozen as soon as Dean hugged him. Dean breathed hard, trying not to finally cry. 

"I missed you, you son of a bitch," Dean said into Cas's jacket. 

Cas sighed heavily and finally moved his arms around Dean, a hand cradling the back of his head. 

"I know." 

Dean couldn't see it, but he could feel the glares being sent Cas's way. 

Dean pulled back after an appropriate amount of time had passed, but he didn't move out of Cas's personal space. 

"Where the hell did you go? And where've you been? I - I tried calling you, but you must've changed your phone number...." 

Cas opened his mouth to speak, then let his eyes closed as another voice piped up. 

"How long does it take to find out if you're wanted or not in a fucking hunter bar? You'd think they'd just start shooting at you if they didn't want you here."

Dean took a couple steps back as a man in a black suit walked into the bar, stepping up to stand beside Cas and giving him a skeptical look. Cas opened his eyes and glared at him. 

The man's eyes darted to Dean, and there was a pause. 

"Hi, I'm Crowley. I'm assuming you're Dean Winchester."

Dean nodded, eyes darting to Cas. Cas wouldn't look at Dean. 

"Dean, this is Crowley. He's . . . my work partner."

"Well, that's one way to put it."

Crowley held his hand out, and Dean slowly took it. It was a firm handshake, and Crowley's eyebrows rose slightly. 

"So are we eating or what, Radio?"

Cas gave Crowley another derisive look. 

"You don't eat."

"Ah ah ah, I don't _have_ to eat. I _can_ eat if I so choose. And I'm in the mood for booze. So, is being associated with your pedophile ass gonna cost me more than it already has?"

Cas sighed heavily and pulled out a pack of cigarettes. "Go ask Ellen." 

Crowley rolled his eyes and sauntered towards the bar, correctly assuming the only woman in the bar was Ellen. 

Dean furrowed his eyebrows. "Since when do you smoke?"

"Since I stopped popping pills." A beat. "Want one?"

Dean shook his head. "No. I want to talk to you."

Cas snorted. "Don't think your dad would like that very much."

"I'm eighteen and can do whatever I want," Dean said firmly - and loudly. He didn't look at John. 

Cas was the only one out of the two who could see how angry John was. He sighed heavily. 

"I really need my fix, so we can talk outside."

"Not in the car," Dean said, the meaning of the statement evident to both of them. 

"Not in the car," Cas agreed. 

They stepped outside. 

At the bar, Crowley stepped up to it, a ways down from Sam and Jo. 

"Have any Cognac?" 

Ellen didn't look happy, but she fixed him up a drink. 

Sam glowered at Crowley, even though he knew he had no reason to glower at him. Really it was just because he came with Cas and seemed to be . . . friends? with him. Crowley noticed and glanced over at him and Jo. They both looked away from him. Crowley was content to mostly ignore them, but he could tell that Sam was Sam Winchester. Pretty easy to tell when only one hunter was known for traveling around the place with his two sons. 

It was Sam who spoke up and broke the awkward silence that was listening out for suspicious behavior from outside. 

"He really is a pedophile?" Sam asked. 

Crowley looked over at Sam. 

"More or less. Fourteen through nineteen is his preferred age range. Arguably eighteen is an adult, but in some cultures, thirteen is considered an adult, so what does anyone know, really?"

Sam took a deep breath, anger bubbling inside of him already. 

"S-so Dean isn't - isn't the only - ?"

Crowley laughed a little. 

"Darling, if you knew how Cas Novak became a hunter, you would definitely not be asking that question."

Sam opened his mouth to ask why, but Ellen gave Crowley his drink, and Crowley lifted the glass to his lips and sipped. 

He didn't like that answer, though. 

Outside, Dean and Cas leaned against the wall of the bar. Cas inhaled the cigarette smoke, then exhaled and let it escape into the air. Dean watched as he did it. 

"Where the hell have you been?" Dean asked quietly. 

Cas didn't reply for a long while. 

"Working with Crowley. Here and there. Keeping away from the angels and hiding what we're up to from demons."

Dean swallowed hard. 

"Why didn't you wait for me? Did you not want to work with me?"

Cas bowed his head. 

"I wanted to protect you. I'm . . . I'm not good for you. . . . Not the way I am right now."

"I don't fucking care."

Cas looked over at Dean. He then sighed heavily again. 

"There is one way you can help."

Dean visibly perked up, but it was far from getting anyone out of any woods. 

"Did your mother die in a fire while penned to the ceiling?"

It was as though Dean's stomach disappeared. 

"How - how did you - ?"

"What room did she die in?"

"In - in Sam's nursery.... Cas - "

"Fuck."

Cas closed his eyes and hit his head on the wall. He hit it several times. 

"Cas?"

"The - the angels and the demons want to start a war.... The angels have chosen a human for their tool to use against Hell. The demons have chosen a human who will lead them.... The demons are narrowing their choices down by slipping infants demon blood. If they're caught, they kill the one who caught them.... By pinning them on the ceiling and setting the house on fire."

Dean's eyes widened. 

" _What?_ "

"And the angels have chosen a very loyal, very caring young man who has a little brother who has been chosen by the Knight of Hell Azazel...." 

Cas looked at Dean, and Dean wished they weren't having this conversation - that this conversation wasn't a thing that could happen. 

"I don't know all the details, but Heaven and Hell want to pit you and your brother against each other, whether you want to or not. If the angels get under your skin, you won't have a choice in the matter.... You can't give them permission into your life, Dean. You can't. They'll never give you back."

Dean swallowed hard. "I won't. W-what about Sam?"

Cas inhaled more smoke. As he spoke again, the smoke danced past his lips. 

"I don't know. I've been trying to find something to help him.... But I've come up with nothing. I don't . . . I don't know how to help you protect him."

They were quiet for a long moment. Dean's breathing wasn't steady, and Cas couldn't bring himself to offer Dean any comfort. 

"If - if I need you, how should I get into contact with you?"

Cas looked over at Dean, then pulled out some paper and a pen he had in his other pocket. He wrote down a home address. 

"I've got myself a hideout. Has a bunch of sigils warding off angels.... It's safe from most things there."

Dean nodded and put it in his pocket. 

"If you need anything, you can find me there most of the time. These . . . hunts with Crowley don't happen often. I . . . honestly haven't been doing much hunting. Too dangerous, what with the angels on my ass.... Mostly research for me."

Dean nodded, seeming to be disconnected from himself. 

Cas breathed out more smoke. 

"Go be with your brother. I'll see you around." 

Dean nodded and moved away from Cas. Then he paused and moved back over to him. 

Dean kissed Cas and got a mouthful of smoke for his trouble, but he didn't care. 

He moved back into the bar without a word, and Cas stayed where he was, smoking his cigarette. 

Crowley finished his drink, paid Ellen, then headed out of the bar just as Dean walked back in. Crowley waved goodbye without looking back, and Cas walked with Crowley back to the car. 

Dean made a bee-line for Sam and pulled him into a hug, eyes glistening with tears and breathing irregular. Sam tried to offer as much comfort as he could. 

For a bar full of tough guys, they were really understanding of the brothers' need to be affectionate right then.


	8. Tick Tock Tick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean tries to move on.

Life on the road never stopped. The more the scenery changed, the more things stayed the same. Sam and John kept arguing. The older Sam got, the worse it became. Dean tried to get them to enjoy each other's company, but it just wasn't working. Some days Dean felt like killing both of them. But he remembered what Cas had told him. That the demons had chosen Sam for their army. 

He couldn't tell John that. Who knew what John would do to Sam.... John wanted nothing more than to kill the thing that got Mom. And if Sam was the reason it killed Mom.... 

Dean wasn't going to let anything bad happen to Sam. Nothing was going to hurt him. He'd find a way to protect him from the demons too. 

Time wore on. Dean grew older. And he couldn't help some eye wandering. Cute butt there, very attractive man in uniform there, girl with huge boobs over there.... Cas Novak very much still held Dean's heart, but he was actually noticing other people for what felt like the first time. He knew that wasn't true, but he had held eyes for only Cas for so long.... But Cas wasn't around. Cas didn't even really want to see him or hold him.... 

He better understood what had happened between him and Cas now. He read newspapers. He watched the news. He knew what it was John - and Bobby and Ellen and Rufus and the other hunters - thought of what Cas had done and that Dean was . . . his victim. But he didn't feel like a victim. He felt like one of those wives who waited for their husbands to come back from war. (If you told John or Sam that he watched Lifetime movies about that, he'd deny it and then shoot you.) He felt like he was waiting for so damn long, and for a lot of that waiting he didn't really understand why. He knew some of the story now, but . . . . 

He was tired of waiting. 

Sam and John had had a big fight, and John slammed the hotel room door behind him. Sam threw himself onto the couch and huffed, arms crossed in all of his sixteen-year-old indignation. Dean sighed heavily and rolled his eyes over both of them. He listened out for the sound of the Impala revving up before he did anything about Sam's mood, though. 

Once the sounds died off, indicating John was gone, Dean went over to the couch and leaned against the back of it. Sam pointedly did not look up at him. 

"Whaddya say we cruise around town, see if you can pick up a chick?"

Sam didn't respond. 

"We could both do it. Pick up chicks, I mean."

That made Sam look up at him, eyebrows furrowed. 

"Or I might pick up a guy. Or we could just go out, get a drink. Still got your fake ID?"

"You want to get a booty call?" Sam asked, wanting to clarify. The unspoken question about Cas hung in the air, and they both knew it was there. 

"Why not? It's not like I'm married."

A smile pulled at Sam's mouth. 

"Uh, okay, sure." 

Sam then grabbed his coat, Dean made sure he had the key to the hotel room, and they both went off for a stroll around the town. They found the closest bar and looked around it, scoping out for the attractive women (and men in Dean's case). When the barkeep asked for ID, Sam flashed the one that said he was 21 (perks of being a freakishly tall sixteen-year-old), and Dean showed his real one (well, real as it got being a Winchester). 

Dean was pretty proud of Sam. He managed to get a girl pretty interested in him, though hell if he knew what they were actually talking about. He ended up watching them after a while, his own attempts failing pretty spectacularly. He was out of practice. And he knew exactly why that was.... He had pretty good game before Cas, as long as he had stuck to talking and didn't actually act on anything. Cas taught him everything he'd know in the bedroom, but it seemed like he had forgotten how to flirt. He remembered it being so easy. 

He remembered it being so easy to get Cas into his pants.... 

Had Cas thought it was easy? That Dean was easy? Did Cas still like easy? 

Did Dean _want_ to be easy?

He was pulled out of his musings when he felt a tap on his shoulder. 

A very beautiful man was standing beside him at the bar, giving him a soft smile and rocking that beard of his. For a moment, Dean found himself lost in those eyes of his. 

"Is this seat taken?"

"No. Go ahead."

Dean drank quite a bit of his beer down in one chug and successfully didn't choke on it. 

After that it was a sequence of a lot of beer, a lot of talking, some gentle touches on the backs of Dean's hands and neck, some compliments, and somehow Dean found himself invited to the man's hotel room. 

Nick was his name, he was a cop but off-duty, and he was so damn hot and reminded him a bit of Cas but if he had a beard, and he felt so strong and his arms felt safe, and his lips felt so nice..... 

Dean didn't remember the next few hours. When he came to, Sam, John, and Bobby were standing over him, all three of them looking desperate and worried and terrified. Dean furrowed his eyebrows at them and sat up. 

"What happened?" 

Sam swallowed hard. "He - do you remember anything? From after you left the bar?"

Dean looked around the room. It was their hotel room. 

"I remember going to _his_ hotel room.... After that, nothing." 

"Jesus Christ, Dean," John said, sounding angry but looking more scared than anything else. "That bastard was a siren. Bit of spit, and you're their brainwashed servant."

The humiliation quickly brought color into Dean's face, and he really wished John hadn't been there at all. It was easier to handle the idea that Bobby knew than his dad knowing that such a thing had happened. 

"Wh-what happened? What'd I do?"

Sam then lunged for Dean and hugged him tightly. Dean hugged him back, but it wasn't an answer, and John and Bobby didn't really give him one either. 

_Sam should've known better than to let Dean out of his sights. He had promised himself that he would protect Dean, especially after what happened with Cas. He had promised himself that no one else would use his brother for their sex games, their cat-and-mouse bullshit. His brother wasn't going to be a sexual assault victim ever again._

_And already Sam had fucked up._

_Now Sam couldn't find him, and he wasn't answering his cell, and Sam didn't know what to do._

_John eventually came back to the hotel room, and Sam told him what had happened and he didn't know where Dean was. John didn't explain why, but instead of yelling at Sam for misplacing his brother or going on about how much trouble Dean was going to be, John just called Bobby and quickly grabbed his weapons._

_With Bobby's help, they found Dean and the siren John had learned was in the area._

_A sickness bubbled up in Sam's gut as he watched the siren rub his hands up Dean's arms and chest, ultimately resting on his shoulders._

_"It wasn't like it was hard to snatch him up. He just wants someone to take care of him - a daddy figure, you could say. Someone who doesn't run off and leave him to fight monsters or find new boys to **take care of**. Right, baby? I can do that for you, baby. All you have to do is kill your old man."_

_Dean didn't even seem to think about it. He lifted his gun and pointed it at John. John lifted his own gun, and both were about to pull the trigger._

_"DEAN!" Sam screamed._

_Dean stopped. Looked over at Sam. They stared at each other for a long time. But there seemed to be a glimmer of recognition in his eyes. A glimmer of the real Dean._

_John shot Nick the Siren in the head, and he crumpled to the floor. Dean's eyes rolled into the back of his head as the siren fell to the ground, dead, and as his eyelids fell closed, he fell down with him. Bobby managed to get to him before he hit the ground, and they worked together to get Dean back to the hotel room._

Sam was so scared of losing Dean. He'd do anything to protect Dean.


	9. Stanford

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam runs off to go to college.

Sam knew he had to tell them. He couldn't _not_ tell them. Otherwise, they'd see that he was just gone one day and try to find him - and they would - and then he'd just have a shouting match in front of other people. 

But he certainly wasn't looking forward to it. And he . . . he still didn't know what to do about Dean. He . . . he didn't want to leave Dean behind. Dad couldn't protect Dean. He had proven that several times by now. With Cas. With the siren. With all the other monsters they fought and that had injured Dean (and himself.) No, Sam had to be the one to protect Dean. 

So it made sense if he told Dean first. 

Dad was out and they were supposed to be researching for him. Dean was pouring over a book (his least favorite activity in the hunting business), and Sam could tell from the furrowing of his brow that he really wished he was cleaning guns or something instead. 

Sam cleared his throat a little. 

"Gesundheit." Dean said. The corners of Sam's mouth twitched upward. 

"There's, um, something I gotta tell you."

Dean looked up, an eyebrow raised. 

"Yeah?" 

Sam nodded. "Yeah, um.... I've been applying to colleges."

Dean immediately straightened his back, his expression rather unreadable, but definitely not happy. 

"You have?"

Sam nodded again. "Yeah. And, uh, I got into a lot of them. But specifically, I got into Stanford. On a free ride. And I'm going." 

Dean furrowed his eyebrows again, and Sam could see that he really didn't like the sound of that. 

"And I was hoping that we could leave this . . . life together."

"What?" 

Sam took a deep breath. He knew this wasn't going to go over smoothly. 

"Do you really like living like this? Hunting and never being in one spot for long? Not having any friends? Not - "

"Being left to dry by my boyfriend who I haven't seen in years?"

Sam faltered. They hadn't actually mentioned Cas out loud in almost just as long. Dean watched him, waiting for Sam to respond, but Sam at first wasn't sure if he'd be able to. Eventually, he got back on the conversation tracks, but was going in a different direction than he started in. 

"He wasn't your boyfriend."

"To me he was." 

"Dean, he raped you and kidnapped and drugged you." 

"Doesn't mean he wasn't my boyfriend." 

"You - you're still in love with him?"

Dean changed the topic back to Stanford, which meant the answer was yes. 

"What made you want to apply?"

Sam took a deep breath and let the subject change. 

"Because I don't want to live like this anymore." 

Dean was quiet for a while. He then looked back down at the book in front of him. 

"You told Dad yet?" 

"No. I figured I'd tell you first."

"Hoping that I'd go with you."

"Yeah...." 

Sam waited, but Dean didn't oblige. The younger swallowed hard. 

"Dean, please."

"I'm not going. There's nothing for me at _your_ college. And Dad needs me."

"But - "

"And I'm not as weak as you seem to _think_ I am."

"What? No, I don't think you're weak, I - "

"Then stop treating me like a damn girl already."

"Well, you're one to talk after how you've acted around douchebags like Cas!"

Sam immediately regretted saying it after the words left his mouth. Dean gave him a glowering look, then picked up the book and headed for the couch. Sam moved to follow him, to try to apologize, but he knew it wouldn't be appreciated right now. 

The conversation with John about Stanford went even worse. 

On the bus, Sam realized he never got a chance to actually apologize to Dean for what he said. It weighed heavy in his stomach, but he had a feeling Dean wouldn't answer if he called. 

With Sam gone, Dean and John sat silently and angrily in the motel room. They didn't say anything to each other for a few days, then things slowly got to being as normal as they could be without Sam. 

But then John never came back. Dean waited. And waited. And waited. 

Then he got tired of waiting. This was the last time he was going to wait on anybody. 

So he got into the Impala and started his own hunt. But not for a monster. 

He found what he was looking for, deep in the woods up North, near a lake. It kind of stood out because it was the only cabin for miles, and it had a bunch of warding symbols on it. Dean knocked on the front door. 

It opened a few moments later, and Cas stood there. His eyes widened, clearing not expecting him to be there. 

"I'm tired of being alone," Dean said, frowning. 

Cas stepped to the side, letting Dean in. Dean walked inside, and Cas closed the door behind him. 

"What happened?" Cas asked. If possible, his voice had deepened since he last heard him. Dean felt his knees going weak like he was still a teenager who swooned too easily. 

"Sam left for college. Dad is MIA. I miss you."

Cas put his shoulder back, not looking Dean in the eye, but Dean was watching his body movement. He wanted to look him in the eye. He wanted to look straight at him. 

Dean knew Cas had changed, because Cas didn't trust himself with Dean anymore. Dean understood that. 

But he had to realize that Dean changed too. 

"Can I please stay here?" Dean asked. 

Cas finally looked up at him, and Dean knew for sure that yes, he was still in love with him. The urge to throw himself at him was rather strong, despite what had gone wrong between them. He knew Cas would make it up to him, though. 

Unlike John, Cas knew what he had done wrong and won't let it happen again. Dean knew he wouldn't. 

Cas nodded. "Of course you can stay." 

They both stood there for a few moments. Then Dean couldn't help it any longer and quickly closed the distance between them, pressing his mouth against Cas's. Cas seemed to have simply been waiting for permission, as he responded with just as much vigor. 

It had been a long time since Dean had had sex, and it felt just as wonderful as before.


End file.
